paganbabies

Future's Above

OK, despite that title, I'm not going to get too depressing here. Just know that that last week after my visit to St. Paul and before the move was a long one, and I miss you.

But all major life changes are worse coming than passing. Now I'm here and things are happening. What I hope to do with this article is to familiarize you all with the details of my routine scholastic life, so that when I get back to see you, we can skip over all the details that you'd ask about out of politeness, but about which you don't really care.

The details of my appointment: I am an MA/PhD candidate studying 20th Century American and Contemporary Literature. This means that upon satisfactory completion of the MA I will automatically roll into the PhD program. It also means that I am paid a bit more than an MA student: A WHOPPING $10,770 for nine months. In exchange for that money, this year, I tutor in the university's writing center 10 hours per week. Next year I begin teaching English 1000, which is composition. I was also fortunate enough to be given a fellowship of $1,000 (because I am so handsome), which should cover the better part of my alcohol dependency.

The OFFICIAL Description "The MA/PhD program is intended for especially well-prepared students who have BA degrees and know they wish to pursue the PhD. It offers enhanced financial aid and an accelerated time to degree. In their first year in the program, students take three courses per semester and work ten hours per week in the Writing Center, receiving a substantial stipend to ensure that they complete their work in a timely manner. In their second, fifth, and sixth years in the program, MA/PhD students teach a reduced schedule of two classes in the fall and one class in the spring without a reduction in pay from our regular PhD package. The latter two years of fellowship are offered contingent upon successful completion of PhD comprehensive examinations. Students complete MA requirements and begin taking PhD course work in their second year in the program. Academic requirements for the two degrees are identical with the academic requirements for the separate MA and PhD degrees."

I also do not pay any tuition or fees, which is actually the large part of my scholarly "benefits package." I would hate to see the bill on six years of graduate-level tuition. This semester I take 10 credit hours (a relief because I had anticipated 13). If you would like to know more about the classes you can find that info here I'm taking 8005, 8050 or 7100 (I'm not certain which yet), 8220 and 8310. Since I haven't started anything yet, I can't tell you what it's like. Dr. Andy Hoberek, my current advisor put it thusly: 'Each professor's goal is to give you more work than you can handle...and you'll have four of them' (rough quote). Apparently I will have to get better at doing good work while drunk. The stuff I have done in the past is not acceptable.

I get raises as I begin to do more work for the school. The second year, when I actually start teaching a little, I get about another $1,000, which seems like nothing until you think of it as a 10% raise. The year after that, I get another $2,000. We're talking huge money here. Well, if you come to visit, you'll get to see the kind of "crib" that money buys. I'm not suggesting that you redirect the money you planned on sending to relieve starvation in Africa to me. But what's the life of an African child worth if she doesn't know about Edmund Spencer? Really, what's the life of an American child worth who doesn't know Spencer? You know about Spencer, right? ababbcbcc? C'mon. Ahh, who gives a shit? Guy lived like a hundred years ago.

This semester I will have classes Tuesdays and Thursdays, nothing before 11 a.m. The schedule you wish you had as an undergrad. Sadly, I don't believe I'll be able to take advantage of that, which is a shame because I have already found three great bars. The Heidelberg is a cross between Mogie's and the Pioneer. Shiloh's is a great sit down on the terrace place (Liffeyesque). And the Campus Bar and Grill is a cross between Pio and Brat, if you can imagine that. Everything worthwhile is within stumbling distance of the apartment, which accounts for at least 40% of the price of rent here. I'm certainly not paying for the furnishings. My shower is a space rocket. Plus my bathroom hasn't been remodeled since Apollo 11. But the place is big enough. And the knowledge that I'll be upgrading next year helps a great deal.

But I do miss you people already. I have a feeling that a week from now I'll be missing the free time I have right now. I have another feeling that says this next year will go by as fast as those undergrad years did. It's a new chunk of life, but it's definitely a chunk diminished by age and distance. By the time I come out of it, you will all pretty much be established, and I'll just be starting. Which is the way I like it. After all, I pretty much became an adult just last week. You, too, may have grown up, but I suspect you did it the way most people do: as a gradual process from about age 18 to 23. That's the easy way. My way is much more difficult. My process requires that you remain a juvenile for as long as possible, then jump to adulthood as late (and therefore as quickly) as possible. Last month I was unemployed and I spent money I didn't have on getting drunk. Then I made a nine-hour drive that constituted my metamorphosis. Now I'll spend the next six years with stress levels so high I'll be surprised if I don't have gray hair by the end.

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